Loneliness, Loneliness, Fly Away / 寂しさ、寂しさ、飛んでゆけ
Loneliness overwhelmingly enters and permeates my sense of self. But when faced with uncontrollable situations, I adapt with behaviors that manifest in ways that turn away from the natural tendencies of deep loneliness. What do I do when feeling the suffocating weight of loneliness, causing panic or breathless spiraling?
My extroverted personality belies the inner self. I am a lifelong 'sabishigariya' -- Japanese for someone who easily succumbs to loneliness. Before Covid-19 vaccination was available, I did not leave my house and I experienced an extreme sense of solitude -- 'kodoku' in being isolated for over a year. I experienced 'setsunasa', the painful twinges at the end of losing what I had, aspects of my life that centered around the sudden death of my husband, and the end of my career. Like a sea shell left behind by a receding wave, I lament the need to let go of the things that remind me of my memories, a feeling known as 'nagori-oshisa.'
And so, as one who directly addresses loneliness and actively works to alleviate those feelings I wish:
`sabishisa, sabishisa, tondeyuke /
loneliness, loneliness, fly away.
